Inspirational quotes

If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the worl

05/15/2018

If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.By Lao TzuSee more

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If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the worl

lao-tzu happiness-wellbeing

We forge the chains we wear in life.

05/15/2018

We forge the chains we wear in life.By Charles DickensSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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We forge the chains we wear in life.

charles-dickens happiness-wellbeing

Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.

05/15/2018

Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.By Frank TygerSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.

frank-tyger happiness-wellbeing

Ultimately your greatest teacher is to live with an open heart.

05/15/2018

Ultimately your greatest teacher is to live with an open heart.By Emmanuel (Pat Rodegast)See more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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Ultimately your greatest teacher is to live with an open heart.

emmanuel-pat-rodegast happiness-wellbeing

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

05/15/2018

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.By Sam EwingSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

sam-ewing happiness-wellbeing

As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.

05/15/2018

As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.By Ralph Waldo EmersonSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.

ralph-waldo-emerson happiness-wellbeing

When you return to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the town you missed, but your childhood.

05/15/2018

When you return to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the town you missed, but your childhood.By Earl WilsonSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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When you return to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the town you missed, but your childhood.

earl-wilson happiness-wellbeing

Life is a journey and if you fall in love with the journey you will be in love forever.

05/15/2018

Life is a journey and if you fall in love with the journey you will be in love forever.By Peter HagertySee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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Life is a journey and if you fall in love with the journey you will be in love forever.

peter-hagerty happiness-wellbeing

Healing comes from taking responsibility: to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

05/15/2018

Healing comes from taking responsibility: to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.By Peter ShepherdSee more HAPPINESS & WELLBEING quotes

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Healing comes from taking responsibility: to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

peter-shepherd happiness-wellbeing

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

05/15/2018

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.By AL MCGUIRESee more FUNNY quotes

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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

al-mcguire funny

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

05/15/2018

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.By GREG KINGSee more FUNNY quotes

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

greg-king funny

The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth.

05/15/2018

The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth.By ANONYMOUSSee more FUNNY quotes

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The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth.

anonymous funny

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

05/15/2018

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.By EMO PHILIPSSee more FUNNY quotes

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

emo-philips funny

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

05/15/2018

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.By SOCRATESSee more FUNNY quotes

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

socrates funny

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

05/15/2018

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.By DOUGLAS ADAMSSee more FUNNY quotes

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

douglas-adams funny

Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?

05/15/2018

Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?By ANONYMOUSSee more FUNNY quotes

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Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?

anonymous funny

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

05/15/2018

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.By MILES KINGTONSee more FUNNY quotes

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

miles-kington funny

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

05/15/2018

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.By ANONYMOUSSee more FUNNY quotes

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Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

anonymous funny

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

05/15/2018

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.By DAVE BARRYSee more FUNNY quotes

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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

dave-barry funny

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”

05/15/2018

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”By ANONYMOUSSee more FUNNY quotes

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How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”

anonymous funny

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

05/15/2018

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.By LANA TURNERSee more FUNNY quotes

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

lana-turner funny

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

05/15/2018

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.By STEVE MARTINSee more FUNNY quotes

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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

steve-martin funny

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

05/15/2018

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.By ROBERT BLOCHSee more FUNNY quotes

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

robert-bloch funny

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

05/15/2018

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.By MARK RUSSELLSee more FUNNY quotes

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The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

mark-russell funny

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

05/15/2018

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.By OSCAR WILDESee more FUNNY quotes

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

oscar-wilde funny

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

05/15/2018

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.By ELAYNE BOOSLERSee more FUNNY quotes

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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

elayne-boosler funny

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

05/15/2018

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.By BOB MONKHOUSESee more FUNNY quotes

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

bob-monkhouse funny

If God made everything, then God must be Chinese?

05/15/2018

If God made everything, then God must be Chinese?By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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If God made everything, then God must be Chinese?

unknown funny

I hate when I go to bed and I forget to turn my swag off.

05/15/2018

I hate when I go to bed and I forget to turn my swag off.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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I hate when I go to bed and I forget to turn my swag off.

unknown funny

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

05/15/2018

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.By Douglas AdamsSee more FUNNY quotes

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

douglas-adams funny

The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.

05/15/2018

The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.

unknown funny

Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.

05/15/2018

Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.

unknown funny

Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.

05/15/2018

Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.

unknown funny

If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.

05/15/2018

If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.By Red (That 70’s Show)See more FUNNY quotes

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If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.

red-that-70-s-show funny

I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.

05/15/2018

I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.By John MayerSee more FUNNY quotes

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I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.

john-mayer funny

They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…

05/15/2018

They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…

unknown funny

I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.

05/15/2018

I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.

unknown funny

Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.

05/15/2018

Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.

unknown funny

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

05/15/2018

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.By Woodrow Wilson (president)See more FUNNY quotes

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I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

woodrow-wilson-president funny

I did a few researchers to get that information.

05/15/2018

I did a few researchers to get that information.By Ellen HasselbalchSee more FUNNY quotes

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I did a few researchers to get that information.

ellen-hasselbalch funny

If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child’s family comes home and yells at him.

05/15/2018

If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child’s family comes home and yells at him.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child’s family comes home and yells at him.

unknown funny

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

05/15/2018

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.By Wade StokanSee more FUNNY quotes

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I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

wade-stokan funny

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

05/15/2018

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’By Tommy CooperSee more FUNNY quotes

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

tommy-cooper funny

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

05/15/2018

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

unknown funny

Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

05/15/2018

Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

unknown funny

During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

05/15/2018

During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

unknown funny

Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.

05/15/2018

Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.

unknown funny

Alarm Clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

05/15/2018

Alarm Clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Alarm Clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

unknown funny

If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.

05/15/2018

If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.

unknown funny

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

05/15/2018

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.By UnknownSee more FUNNY quotes

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Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

unknown funny