These Four Behaviors Predict Which Marriages Will End In Divorce

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  These Four Behaviors Predict Which Marriages Will End In Divorce

In an interview on Brené Brown’s podcast, John Gottman described the first of the Four Horsemen: criticism. “The disaster couples in the lab [Robert Levenson] and I created are pointing their fingers at their partner and saying, ‘As far as I can tell I’m pretty much perfect, but you’re defective. Here’s what’s wrong with you.’ And they list all these characteristics that they want their partner to change.”

Critiquing and complaining is not the same as criticizing. A critique or a complaint tends to focus on one specific behavior or action, while criticism attacks an individual’s entire character and leaves the person feeling worthless and castigated. It’s the difference between “I need you to take out the garbage,” (complaint) and “You never take out the garbage because you’re always incredibly lazy” (criticism). According to the Gottman Institute’s blog, “Words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ imply that the other person has a consistent and negative personality flaw.” Programas de TV y datos de series. Guía de episodios, información, reseñas, avances de capitulos, fotos, videos youtube oficial. - Programas de TV, Series, Guía de episodios.

Julie Gottman described to Brené Brown how criticism has increased dramatically during the pandemic: “The phrase ‘people getting on each other’s nerves’ doesn’t match it. It’s people getting on each other’s souls in a negative way, people beginning to see everything that’s wrong with their partner rather than what’s right with their partner.”

Criticism is the most common of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It’s particularly dangerous because, if left unchecked, it usually escalates and leads to the three other negative behaviors — and, ultimately, divorce.

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